Not good enough dear! Just not good enough.
Your lessons have never been hard enough to stop me from making mistakes. Nor have your apologies been strong enough to make me numb. But all these times I thought you have your best weapons yet hidden in darks of some out of world caves. All these times I believed you could, you just don’t.
But today I think you can’t, today I think, you are not capable of wanting to hurt me. Today I think I have more of everything than you. I have courage more devilish than yours, I have love more feverish than yours, I have edges sharper than yours, I have promises way harder than yours, I have insanity way blind than yours, I have limits that you cannot push me off, I have wounds that you can’t heal, and faiths that you can’t break, secrets that you can’t laugh off, and a heart you cannot test.
You are afraid to hurt me to devastation, you fear that I will break and you won’t be able to fix that. You love me and that makes you weak, that makes your hurts weak, that makes you apologies weak. You love me and that makes you imprisoned.
I… on the contrary, I love you and that makes me free. I love you and that makes it easy to hurt you and fight with you and be angry with you. I love you and that gives me the freedom to break up with you and come back as many times. Freedom to cry and sob and laugh crazily in love. Freedom to push myself off the limits, off the edges for it’s your job to rescue me. Freedom to be blind and insane and feverishly high and low, for it’s your job to hold my hand and bring me home safe.
You can’t do that. Oh poor you! you can’t cry for me and you can’t smile in love, for you have to stay still in all my turbulence. You have to love me and yet not let me know. O My! You have to hurt me but not so hard that I break, you have cuddle me but not be so soft that I know you are falling for me, you have to teach me lessons that you know I won’t learn, you have to give me punishments after each of which I will wink at you and tell you that I love you! You hate to punish me… but you have to. You hate telling me that you love me, but you end up confessing. You have a whole lot to figure out, you have so much to take care of, you have so much to balance between, and I just don’t want to understand your cares, your rules, your limits… I like to believe you are limitless and I am stubborn in my beliefs. You want me to grow up and I don’t, you want me follow rules and I don’t, you want me to fear hurts and I don’t, you want me to be realistic but I have my myths dear! You try hard to break them and I smile back at you saying… so… that was your best shot?