I am rusty. I haven’t written in two years. I was busy working I guess. Do you know what is glorified helplessness? Do you know what does it mean when I gloriously let go of what’s perceived petty and choose to rise above. When I say, let it be. It means that I can not do anything but to let it be. So I have to let it be. Because there is no other way.. I cannot not let it be. I am not capable of not letting it be, of changing it. I am stuck with it. Because there is nowhere else to go.
Logic says, you always have somewhere else to go. People who care about you say that too. It’s all in your mind. Well of course it is. Oh the fighting back! It can not be in my elbow or in my knees. So this has to be in my mind. Do you keep thoughts elsewhere, because I for one keep them in my mind. So if I am happy or sad or angry or gigantically raged by my helplessness, of course it is in my mind. There is no other place. The swearing between teeth!
Heart or soul or whatever, they can’t undermine my mind. My mind is important to me. Is yours not, to you? I cannot shut my mind and live on. Stupid idea to begin with. And even if, even.. if… it is not so stupid after all, to switch off your mind for once and connect with higher so and so, know that it will shut down all of it. Do you even know what I mean. I can not shut off that one single pick of feeling that makes you uncomfortable. Or the one thing that you don’t like about me. If I close my mind to the helplessness or the anger or oh the competition, remember that the loyalty goes with it, the will to persist goes with it, the desire to belong even… goes with it. Shutting down one’s mind is not a pick and choose from a catalog of feelings. It’s all or nothing. Can you live with a nothing me? Isn’t that what happened?
Switching off of mind. Of thoughts that are way too twisted to handle. Standing on a high point and looking over the steep icy slope. All the way and still not finding a ground. Starting to roll down anyway. Switching off. Letting it be. Accepting. Helplessly. Gloriously.